Apr. 8th, 2014

lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
do you ever wonder if your body is just a shell where you keep your soul or whatever and then get upset because you feel like your body is a terrible vessel what with its broken brain and stuff, or the crippling gender dysphoria you have to deal with all the time, and think that your real soul should have picked a better body because you're sure as hell that your soul doesn't deserve to have such a shitty vessel?

i want to be everywhere and nowhere at once, like a concept or a feeling, but what would i even be, to other people if i didn't have an existent body

this is the constant dilemma and i am pretty sure daily existential crises should not be a fucking thing
lightlag: Back view of Yasu, a white hat on their head, still partly in their servant uniform with golden butterflies around them (umineko tag)
 so i'm not sure if you guys even WANT an example of my typing when i'm half asleep/suffering from a migraine but i shall give you one.

a tweet from my umineko account. (transcript) oka i mihght fizx up some of that stuff i jist said abg yasu and make t cohermet and then maks another meta posymt on dreamwodyh


anyway as i have expressed in the above tweet, on march 30th i thought more about yasu and decided that talking about them was more important than getting some rest and ridding myself of a throbbing migraine. so this is a post to clear up and elaborate on what i was saying because it is kind of important to me i guess??

i feel like battler talking to yasu (as shannon) six years ago was... different. he understood when he came back to rokkenjima that shannon was not quite the same. before yasu created kanon, before what i call the "shkanon split" there were both the sharp edges and the subdued and kind parts in yasu who took shannon's appearance before battler. i think he understood that, and coming back to rokkenjima something seemed off with shannon, like... she was missing her sharp edges (yasu's sharp edges) and had been completely subdued thus far.
which is why battler was drawn to kanon from the start? he felt the need to protect him from the beginning, and had this kind of sudden intense reaction to kanon being there. i'm pretty sure it was an unconscious feeling but somehow battler must have recognized these volatile, resentful parts of the old shannon in kanon, and that's why he became so sympathetic with kanon in ep1 (and most of the other eps after that.)
each of yasu's personas are a different side of them: shannon is kind, gracious and humble; kanon is resentful, quiet and full of self-loathing; beatrice is imaginative, cruel, sensitive and a creator of worlds. i think battler recognizes this in all three personas, somehow, in some way or another, since all of these were in the "shannon" that battler met, the "shannon" that battler promised to carry away on a white horse and the "shannon" that waited six years for him.

on another note: