lightlag: Fujiwara no Mokou in a white leather jacket, facing the left with two swords sheathed in her belt and a lit cigarette. (touhou tag)
an album cover, depicting mokou with her phoenix wings grasping at kaguya's hand. kaguya's other hand holds the jeweled branch of hourai. they are both smiling. a bright yellow moon glows in the distance.

[updated 6.21.14 and 7.18.2014] 

fujiwara no mokou/kaguya houraisan fanmix. spoilers for end of imperishable night.

i don't know why i started shipping this but this weekend i suddenly wrote them and now this. i'm done, i'm gone, meet me in terumoko hell
liner notes under the cut

8tracks link -- art source

-- said the sun to the moon, )

lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
 i got outside today for the first time in a month; like, really outside. not the halfhearted "walk up and down the length of my backyard" sort of outside-- i am actually perched in a tree writing this, it is probably twenty-five feet from the ground where i am. it's like summer outside which made the prospect of running around outside very very desirable but the best thing is, i woke up with a stomachache/migraine killer combo and now being here, outside, where the wind is and where the birds are, i have pretty much forgotten about that. i could probably live in this tree. i think i might actually try to live in this tree. (except it's on a property that is empty and owned by the mansion next door, so technically i can't.) they should just let us buy this place, it's small enough, and we use it much more than THEY do.
i scraped up my knees and elbows a little getting up here but that's the good kind of outdoor-related injuries. i feel like a kid again. scabby knees and rough elbows and callused fingers.
i don't know how long this will last but i'm happy here even if i'm only pretending to be a mythical tree youkai to get away from the earthly human things that are bothering me. i am aware of my presence in my own life.
lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
 so yes [personal profile] keltena and i are going to prom

a screenshot of an avatar from FE:A, with forged and renamed weapons spelling out "Gray, will you go to prom with me?"

and i ended up getting my tuxedo today!!!! i don't think i have ever been so confident in my queer masculinity in MY LIFE. it was kind of a "whoa you clean up nice" moment for me, although collars???? collars are so hard to deal with. and i haven't gotten the pants hemmed yet, which was a problem when i came downstairs and ended up dragging the bottom of the pants everywhere ahaha....ha. 
here are some awful gratuitous selfies for you

i am planning on getting a really adorable femme-y bowtie to go with it. preferably a floral pattern. because fuck gender.

if any other nb or butch people are looking for a tux as well, i'd recommend tuxforher. it is kind of expensive though but they fit so well and don't make me feel bad about my body or w/e.

that's basically it for now, i've been thinking about fire emblem more so maybe i'll talk about that next time i update!!!

lightlag: Back view of Yasu, a white hat on their head, still partly in their servant uniform with golden butterflies around them (umineko tag)
 so i'm not sure if you guys even WANT an example of my typing when i'm half asleep/suffering from a migraine but i shall give you one.

a tweet from my umineko account. (transcript) oka i mihght fizx up some of that stuff i jist said abg yasu and make t cohermet and then maks another meta posymt on dreamwodyh


anyway as i have expressed in the above tweet, on march 30th i thought more about yasu and decided that talking about them was more important than getting some rest and ridding myself of a throbbing migraine. so this is a post to clear up and elaborate on what i was saying because it is kind of important to me i guess??

i feel like battler talking to yasu (as shannon) six years ago was... different. he understood when he came back to rokkenjima that shannon was not quite the same. before yasu created kanon, before what i call the "shkanon split" there were both the sharp edges and the subdued and kind parts in yasu who took shannon's appearance before battler. i think he understood that, and coming back to rokkenjima something seemed off with shannon, like... she was missing her sharp edges (yasu's sharp edges) and had been completely subdued thus far.
which is why battler was drawn to kanon from the start? he felt the need to protect him from the beginning, and had this kind of sudden intense reaction to kanon being there. i'm pretty sure it was an unconscious feeling but somehow battler must have recognized these volatile, resentful parts of the old shannon in kanon, and that's why he became so sympathetic with kanon in ep1 (and most of the other eps after that.)
each of yasu's personas are a different side of them: shannon is kind, gracious and humble; kanon is resentful, quiet and full of self-loathing; beatrice is imaginative, cruel, sensitive and a creator of worlds. i think battler recognizes this in all three personas, somehow, in some way or another, since all of these were in the "shannon" that battler met, the "shannon" that battler promised to carry away on a white horse and the "shannon" that waited six years for him.

on another note:

lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
do you ever wonder if your body is just a shell where you keep your soul or whatever and then get upset because you feel like your body is a terrible vessel what with its broken brain and stuff, or the crippling gender dysphoria you have to deal with all the time, and think that your real soul should have picked a better body because you're sure as hell that your soul doesn't deserve to have such a shitty vessel?

i want to be everywhere and nowhere at once, like a concept or a feeling, but what would i even be, to other people if i didn't have an existent body

this is the constant dilemma and i am pretty sure daily existential crises should not be a fucking thing
lightlag: Back view of Yasu, a white hat on their head, still partly in their servant uniform with golden butterflies around them (umineko tag)
 ok so i was ranting on twitter about yasu, lion, and the gender issue, and i think i've worked out my interpretation of it...!
warnings for gender dysphoria, sexism, cissexism in discussion, and HUGE SPOILERS ahead so don't read unless you've finished ep7. please note that i use singular "they" pronouns for both lion and yasu.

so without further ado, let me present my thoughts on the cat box that is yasu, lion and their idea of gender:


lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
 i haven't felt like such a piece of shit in a really long time, since i got on some new meds and they've been making me feel a little less sad all the time, but yesterday was such a shit day i feel like i've done something terrible and i don't know what
anyway animal crossing

can i live in this stupid game )
lightlag: Back view of Yasu, a white hat on their head, still partly in their servant uniform with golden butterflies around them (umineko tag)
beatrice/battler (yasu/battler) fanmix, spoilers for ep7. (also maybe ep8 but shhhh)
also how many ocean metaphors were on purpose i don't even know

8tracks link
in the salt and sea of memory )
lightlag: Jade in her 3 in the Morning dress, glancing to the side in surprise (hs tag)
"if we could sail through the wind in the dark..."

(cut those chains in the middle of the night) )

lightlag: Jade in her 3 in the Morning dress, glancing to the side in surprise (hs tag)
Hello [community profile] giftstuck author! I'm [ profile] tateyamas and I am really psyched to see how this goes! This will be my first actual DW gift exchange, and I'd like to thank you in advance for 1. signing up and 2. eventually writing me what I'm sure will be an amazing fic!

I requested any of these four pairings (so you can take any one you're willing to write!): 
  • Meenah Peixes/Aranea Serket (any rating)
  • Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket (M to E)
  • Roxy Lalonde/Calliope (any rating)
  • Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam (preferably T to light M)
Here are some little things I feel strongly about/would be endlessly happy to see these!
  • I really, really love the idea of a relationship where neither side is exactly sure if it's actually romantic or just really deep platonic love. I love it even more when both sides agree to keep it without definition, since by defining it the bond tends to lose its uniqueness. Kisses, words of affection that would usually be construed as romantic, cuddling and hand-holding, all with that sort of platonic/romantic ambiguity, are all REALLY GREAT THINGS that I would love to see with Meenah/Aranea and Roxy/Calliope. Existing moiraillegiances and the transition from pale to flushed quadrants would be lovely!!
  • If you're going to do Terezi/Vriska, I would prefer smut hehe. Rivalry power dynamics, especially snarky dialogue and mid-sex banter, sexual competition and/or power play. I also would love to see them sort of... pretending to be in a black romance, but actually just being childish throughout and having more of an intense rivalry than an established kismesissitude... if that makes sense. 
  • With Rose/Kanaya I would love to see Kanaya trying to teach Rose Trollish, since language barriers are a thing I've been thinking about a lot, but if you can't do that, it's fine! Anything really with them will make me smile.
General likes, no need to implement all, but if any of these themes resound with you I encourage you to pick it!
  • Domestic/slice-of-life fluff
  • Holiday themed fluff! Like wintry cold days and hot chocolate and that kind of cute stuff.
  • Nontraditional storytelling
  • Epistolary storytelling (writing through letter correspondence)
  • Canon exploration
  • Modern AU/universe ambiguity
  • Music/language study
  • Second person writing
  • Romantic friendship
  • Trans* headcanons! I love these in any way shape or form, so if you have trans* headcanons for these characters, by all means DO include them.
  • Body shape headcanons are a plus too!
General dislikes
  • Noncon
  • First person narration
  • Gory violence. Blood is okay but please no character death...
  • Use of slurs (unless in character, or the use of them called out by another) 
  • Words like c*nt, vulgar dirty talking
  • Downplaying relationship issues between characters
Again, author, thank you so much for choosing to sign up and to work with me on this! I'm really happy I got up the courage to enter, and I'm very excited-- both to read what I get, and to write for someone else!

Much love,
Gray ~

lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
 yesterday [personal profile] keltena[personal profile] outstretched and i made it to a Vienna Teng concert at Highline Ballroom! we were up in the balcony stage right? (left for the stage but?????? huh) and i can't help but keep bringing up the fact that this was my first concert ever (yes ever) and i am so glad i waited so long, because i don't know what i would do if my first concert experience was a band i liked in fifth grade or something. either way, Vienna was phenomenal live, even better in person, and Alex Wong opened for her-- all three of us were surprised at how great he was as well. i will definitely have to get his albums as well.
at around the fifth song in the set Vienna said something along the lines of "well every so often in this set script it says 'Vienna does something solo' and I don't know what that means so I'm taking requests" and sort of involuntarily i shouted out "RECESSIONAL" really loudly and she looked up at us in the balcony and said "someone said recessional so I'll do that" or something like that. my heart must have exploded i don't know, it was one of those crazy experiences for me... sits down
"copenhagen" (aka CUPenhagen) was also really perfect, everyone was just playing with Actual Cups during the song-- both Alex and Jordan sitting down and using one of the amps as a table to play in rhythm, and then by the last chorus Vienna scurrying from the piano to join in. they are such sweet and hilarious and sincere people and performers. i mean who else do you know that would give up their piano in the middle of a concert to hit cups and sing in a cappella harmonies... just talented dorks with plastic cups. really.
there were also some really wonderful audience participation songs. i never really knew the crystal sounds in "the breaking light" were played on wine glasses, and it felt really warm and open and soothing to be singing with everyone else as well. also Vienna's encore was hilarious, and the audience had a great time keeping the beat and heckling a LOT. classic new york audience really.
there were parts of the concert where i lost my breath laughing, and other parts when i lost my breath crying, and still other parts where i lost my breath at the energy and beauty of the songs ("in the 99", for example, Alex Wong's percussion right before the second verse knocked the wind out of me) so generally yes, it was an experience i won't forget. hanging out with Josh and Soni and seeing this all happen with them was amazing, and i have to thank Josh so much for inviting me for THEIR birthday. seriously it means so much to me and i don't know what i would have done if they hadn't introduced me to Vienna in the FIRST place.
thank you so much guys! personal rambling is usually not what this DW is for but i had to sort of. get this out somewhere!

lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (Default)
 stress stressssss strEssssssss. i thought senior year was supposed to be laid back but as far as my experience goes it's been way too busy for my liking. at least i've overcome a silly writing block i had for a while... i think getting into new things has helped me be more inspired, although i still freak out about uploading snk things to ao3.... everyone there is so talented uuuuwah. 
on the other hand i will be going with[personal profile] keltena to a vienna teng concert for their birthday! which will be my First Concert Ever!!!! please don't ask me how i've managed to never see a live show in my seventeen years of life. i just manage to do silly things. either way i'm quite excited! spins and does a little dance.
on the topic of music i've also been listening to a lot of whoo's music. it has a sort of autumn-cool clearness to it, it's really relaxing and beautiful! it's sort of like the light at five or six in the afternoon in fall right before the sun sets! very absorbing and lucid and flowing.
maybe some metas when i finish my projects and clear schoolwork this week... i want to update this cute thing more!
lightlag: Hanji with their blade slung over one shoulder, looking downwards proudly. (snk tag)
i have recently been thinking harder about ftm!armin, and while talking to myself about him the other day in english class i ended up doing a little free poem thing... i'll add more observations about my headcanons for him when i have more time. this won't be going on ao3 since i'm not sure if putting poetry up there would be a great idea, and i was looking for a place to put this.
breathing is an act of courage )
lightlag: The little prince in a glass dome, reaching for a rose in another glass dome (self tag)
 so i've finally gotten around to starting up a dreamwidth, which i've been meaning to do for quite a while to be honest... i have wanted a place to put my thoughts and rambles especially about fictional characters, and maybe post fanfiction up here before it goes on AO3 (right here!) just for sorting it out, making it less messy, etc. i also talk about vocaloid and utaite a lot, and you'll probably see me ranting about music and producers and other wonderful (read: dorky) things. i'm thinking about including drawings here, but i don't think that's something i'll be doing right now, since art isn't one of my strong suits. otherwise, um... i'm unhappyrefrain at tumblr and kandoreduction on twitter!! i've been around there much longer so...! since i don't usually post thinking/meta/writing there (if at all) i'll use this for my silly rants.